We spend our days balancing dishes and dinners, maintaining laundry piles and Lego mountains, and expending every lost drop of our energy on our beautiful and messy families. As wives and mommas who often struggle to shower and sleep, adding New Year’s resolutions to our already FULL lives can feel like an ill-timed joke. Our responsibilities are heavy, and we are exhausted. Filling up what little time we find for ourselves with lofty goals and New Year’s resolutions feels like setting ourselves up for failure. In fact, we probably are.
In Justin Conklin’s article, “New Year’s Resolutions Are For Losers — Take These 4 Steps Instead,” it says that “Forty percent of Americans will take stock of their year and make a declarative statement of their intentions for the year to come. Eighty percent of us will fail within 30 days. With only 8% of resolution makers actually seeing follow through, more often than not making a resolution will result in frustration and a sense of defeat.” (Forbes) If only 8% of people are realizing their resolutions, putting ourselves out there feels daunting and hopeless.
The reality of night nursing, dirty diapers, potty training, sickness, an empty refrigerator, and carpets covered in cracker crumbs shifts my mindset. There isn’t enough coffee to compensate my chore list, and all of the soap in the world couldn’t wash my mind of my many other responsibilities- such as a sink full of dirty sippy cups and a toilet in need of scrubbing. Overwhelmed feelings drown out dreams. Worthy aspirations are pushed to tomorrow, next week, next year. Right now, aren’t we just trying to get by and push through?
I often adopt a language of failure as I wrestle with the weight of a defeated heart. My adorable, sweet toddlers, whom I love with all of me, leave trails across my living room that bind my heart in joyous highs and draining lows. I love being a wife and momma, and I put so much work into both because being a wife and momma was and remains my dream.
Yet, as we pour into our families, it can feel like we ourselves have stagnated. And what I’m realizing is this: In a world that celebrates extremes, we must DELIGHT in the middle ground.
We do this with our children. We encourage them every day. We are so proud when they start crawling, walking, and finding their shoes. We are proud both when they play and when they put their toys away. We celebrate the monotony of life, because we realize those small moments unfurl big bonds and become our best memories. We need to adopt this mindset for ourselves.
The article, “Making Your New Year’s Resolution stick,” shares, “. . . it is important to remember that the New Year isn’t meant to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. It is a time for people to reflect on their past year’s behavior and promise to make positive lifestyle changes.” It continues by quoting psychologist Lynn Bufka’s views that “‘Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for. . . Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.’” (American Psychological Association)
While we are in the trenches of struggling for our goals, we need to remember that failure is a catalyst of learning. Life is about progress, not speed. If we give our resolutions foundations by dividing our ambitions into achievable milestones, we can build our stamina for long-term change. “Don’t get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time.” (American Psychological Association)
Perhaps the reason we give up, quit, and fail our New Year’s resolutions is because it’s too hard to keep up with grand gestures. Instead, we must cultivate an attitude that looks forward to the daily grind, and the first step toward modifying our behavior is picking one thing over everything.
How often do we cringe as we watch our toddlers bite off more than they can chew? Maybe the lessons we teach our children aren't just meant for them.
We also need to allow ourselves a greater adjustment period. By giving our schedules flexibility and by keeping our goals realistically aligned with other aspects of our life, we are actually giving ourselves a greater chance for success. Jon Miltimore’s article “How Long Does It Take to Form Good Habits?” follows Jeremy Dean’s writing regarding a University college of London whereby 96 participants were asked “to choose a daily behavior to turn into a habit.” Pulling from Dean’s book, Making Habits, Breaking Habits, the article shares that the “‘. . . researchers were surprised by how slowly habits seemed to form. Although the study only covered 84 days, by extrapolating the curves, it turned out that some of the habits could have taken around 254 days to form -- the better part of a year! What this research suggests is that 21 days to form a habit is probably right, as long as all you want to do is drink a glass of water after breakfast. Anything harder is likely to take longer to become a really strong habit, and, in the case of some activities, much longer.’” (FEE, Foundation for Economic Education)
We truly are doing ourselves a disservice by basing the success of our resolutions on one trivial month of the year. Habits are created out of practice and perseverance. And if follow through involves the choices we make over the course of the next eleven months, we have plenty of time to learn how to get it right.
Remember, our resolutions do not require perfection to be fulfilled; rather, they require effort. They require practicing consistency. They require choosing to show up and remembering that when we have our off days, it's not all over.
Maybe we can stop feeling overwhelmed by celebrating the small victories. Maybe, we can give up the idea that we have to do it all in our own strength. We can share our goals with the people around us. Chances are, they are striving for the same things.
Maybe, the key to prioritizing our resolutions is balancing them in prayer.
As mommas, our loads are heavy.
As wives, our hearts are full.
As His daughters, we don’t have to carry it all.
“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices.”
Psalm 37:3-7
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