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Writer's pictureRachel Weidner

Securing My Insecurities

Updated: Dec 30, 2018




One of the great things about moving, is it gives you the opportunity to do new things, form new habits, and completely start over. A goal of mine has been to start working out regularly and lose some of the baby weight I've gained since popping out two incredibly fluffy, beautiful kiddos. Two weeks ago I decided to finally start pursuing fitness and hauled my butt to the gym.


While I was super excited to actually go to the gym, it was really hard that first day to go, and even harder three days later when some of my soreness had set in. I started off easy on the stationary bike, and did some leg work with minimal arm work. . . Because let's be honest, no momma wants sore arms when she spends her days lifting chubby kiddos and wrestling her toddler during diaper changes.


But I have to be honest and admit one of the main reasons I turned that goal of going to the gym a daily reality is because of my husband. My amazing man spontaneously took me out shopping for mother's day after he heard me complaining about my body. He picked out all kinds of beautiful form fitting shirts and sexy jeans for me to try on, and I did. We splurged and bought a lot. I felt way better about myself with these new clothes. And they were all form fitting, because my husband loves my form. He's proud of the body that carried and birthed his two precious children. He goes out of his way to make me feel loved and cherished, and tells me I'm beautiful when I'm dressed up for a date or lounging around in pajamas. The clothes were all form fitting, and while I love them, I'm not entirely in love with my form.


So I decided to do something about that. I decided to take that nervous energy that fills me with apprehension over seeing family for the first time post two babies and channel it into pounding my feet on the treadmill. It took a solid week before I was even brave enough to step foot on that treadmill, but God is blessing it. And I'm making progress.


That debilitating soreness I expected to feel after I miraculously ran a full mile never came. That feeling of embarrassment over my body has transformed to pride. Those new clothes have been washed several times because I'm wearing them all the time. My kids are making friends with the other babies in the play area because I'm not alone. Other mommas are pushing through. That hovering fear over meeting my family is gone. And this feeling of strength is trickling into other areas of my life.


Even with adding another thing to go do, my day is more balanced. The house is clean. I have been writing in my book, coloring with my son, creating see-soars (dinosaurs) with play-do with Aiden, and loving on my daughter.


This isn't to say that I have it all together because I absolutely don't. We still watch way too much TV and eat brownies in abundance. I still pour too much creamer into my beloved coffee, and lounge throughout the day in my pajamas with unwashed hair (which is grosser now because. . .sweat).


But the point is going to the gym has moved beyond wanting to have a somewhat flat tummy. I'm doing this because it makes me feel better- without a flat tummy. I'm doing this because the energy I'm gaining ripples into all the other important aspects of my life.


So if you've been struggling too, step out. Do that some-day goal today. Eat the brownies, go to the gym, forget folding the laundry and paint that landscape, Momma. I promise, it's worth it.




Photo credit: Wix.com free images

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